Every Man's Breaking Point
by YaneDirnt20
Summary: He felt himself falling down, down, down, just waiting for the crash...Eventual Goren/Eames, but not for a while. Rating T now, but maybe M for later chapters, filled with language and sexual content later, possibly. R&R please...
1. First Prologue

**Author's Note:**

This whole thing is based on a dream that I had of Bobby and Alex…it kinda scared me, but I thought that it would probably make a kick ass fic, so here it is…The more reviews, hopefully the more I'll write, so they are welcomed as I tend not to continue on with my fics…I hope you enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** I DO NOT own Alex Eames Bobby Goren or anyone in the _Law and Order _franchise, (even though I wish I owned Bobby…hehehe) so please no suing Mr. Wolf…

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Every Man's Breaking Point

Prolouge

Bobby's POV

I knew I was breaking. Nothing could stop me from my downward spiral. After all, no one had yet to and I'd been on it for a long time. I don't know when it began, but it was a long time ago, and I could feel my breaking point coming up fast…


	2. Second Prologue

Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING of the Law and Order Franchise…That is Mr. Wolf….

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Prologue 2

I guess it began to accelerate after Declan. Actually, the moment the Gage family came back into my life. The guilt I felt at Eames' kidnapping haunted me. The events that followed deepened the fault lines that had begun years ago.

The case in which I was framed seemed to surpass the mental breaks I had received at Tates, though I nearly died. I knew that Alex would bring me back. My savior, my angel. But, my way back from purgatory almost destroyed me. Her misconstrued idea that she could _ever_ only be the one who "carried my water" shook me to the core. I thought she understood how I felt, but maybe it was just too much for her at the time, since we grew back into the groove of years past after a few cases. At least until _they_ came back.

My brother's death, nor Nicole's made me feel free. They broke me down even more, to the shell of a man.

It was out in the open that Ross didn't trust me. Through him lying to get me out of Tates, to the way he helped me get back on the squad during the suspension. The fact that he began investigating me after he found out that Mark Ford Brady might be my father drove me insane. I thought he trusted me more than that, after everything. How dare he think that? After every barrier that I went through to get to where I am today! And the fact that he didn't even ask me about it! I know that he must think that I am crazy now, and to be completely honest, I can't blame him. I even think I'm loosing it, if there's anything left to loose.

Alex is the only one who still believes in me, after everything that's happened in the last 8 years, she still thinks there's hope for me. And that hope fills me with nothing but shame. Everything I've done has held her back. Her affiliation with me throughout the years has held her back, and we both know it, no matter what she says otherwise. Alex has the capacity to be the best Captain the NYPD has ever seen, but she will never attain it. And I know she wants it, and it kills me everyday.

It hurt so much when I thought she was investigating me. To think that after all the times we have been there for each other, she didn't think I was stable. At that point, I couldn't care less what I did. Alex thought I was capable with murder. I had no idea that she was trying to clear me the whole time. I felt ashamed after my outburst with Rodgers, it wasn't her fault, she was only trying to be helpful. Thankfully Alex took me out and talked to me about the case. The fact that she had believed in my innocence through all the twists and turns calmed me, and I was able to solve the case with her by my side.

The realization that it was Declan hurt. A lot. I used to think of him as a father figure when I was growing up (Deakins took his place when I got to Major Case). And the fact that he had killed Nicole Wallace, _for me_, to free me, put me in a dark, dank place.

I would never let my partner know this, although I'm sure that she has figured it out by now, but I wanted to save Nicole. So very badly. I had come so close so many times that whenever it came close to giving her justice, I felt at peace. Maybe I had actually done something right with my life. She was the one that I could save, since I couldn't save my mother.

I never had any feelings toward Nicole, except for those of pity. She could have been a good person, grown from her experiences. She was my exact opposite. My dark reflection. The thing that I could have turned into if I had fallen to my inferiority issues. I like to think that I have grown into a better person, but I couldn't tell you that…

After all, everything around me is staying the same, while I just keep on falling…

Down

Down

Down

I'm just waiting for the crash…

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Author's Note:

I feel like the end is kind of rushed, but I really didn't know what else to write and I felt like this was getting WAAAAYYY too whiney and emo to be Bobby. I want to get on with the story and I hope that this has set the tone for the rest of the story, as it is gonna be an emotional rollercoaster from start to finish. I wanted to make sure that Bobby's thoughts were a little jumbled, cause I'm sure that's what his mind is like all the time and at the time of this fic, which is obviously after the Season 7 finale, "Frame". I don't know, but I think this case affected him 10x more than "Untethered or "Purgatory" did…Anywayz…Please review…I really want to know what you think, because obviously, I've told you what I think…lol

Plus…I'll give you all cookies….XD


	3. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own **_**Law and Order: Criminal Intent **_**or any other show in the franchise. So no suing Dick Wolf, please kay thanks…**

**NOTE: Italics indicate flashback.**

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Chapter 1

I woke up from another night of restless sleep, my mind once again not being able to fall asleep. To dream a dream. A good dream would be a blessing. A shock. Especially since I haven't had one of those in a long time. I groaned as I heard my phone go off, not so much in frustration, as much as the pain that I felt in my back. Getting old sure did suck.

"Goren."

"Hey Bobby, I'm outside your apartment and I thought we could grab some breakfast before we headed in. Your treat."

I smiled when she said the last part in a sing song voice.

"Of course, Eames. I'll be down in 10 minutes."

"You better be Bobby, or I'm gonna have to drag you out."

I chuckled at the thought of my little partner pulling at my hand, trying to drag me out of my apartment.

"Okay Eames, I promise I'll be out in time."

"Alright, bye."

"Bye."

Closing my phone, I willed my body out of bed and into the shower. Turning the faucet on high, I sighed as the burning water hit me. To say it felt good was an understatement. I could never understand why, but the water always had to be boiling or else it was too cold. It may have been a way to purge myself of sin. Who knows? I'm just a lapsed alter boy. I quickly washed myself and got out of the shower, drying myself with a jumbo towel I've had for years. I threw the towel in the hamper and paddled to my dresser, grabbing a pair of boxers and black jeans.

Checking the time, I picked up my pace, realizing I only had a few more minutes before Eames barged through my door. I threw on my black undershirt and a dark blue button up dress shirt. It was the middle of April, so I didn't grab my big jacket, just my black dress jacket. I moved to my kitchen counter, where I placed my badge, gun, and binder the previous night. Almost robotically, I put the badge in my pocket and gun in the holster on my belt. Sometimes I'm surprised that I don't sleep with the damn things seeing the price I had to pay to get them back.

I almost fell over when I tried to put my shoes on, probably because I was hopping down the hallway since I forgot my wallet in my other pants. Again. I had a few seconds to spare as I ran out the door and into Eames' car.

"Cut it close there, eh Bobby?"

"Ah, you know me Eames. Love to make you sweat."

Her eyes flashed with something, and turned a darker colour, as her lips made a tight line. I knew I said something wrong. My partner looked angry, but realized I was watching and put it away.

"You have no idea, Goren."

I cringed. She played like she was alright, and she may have gotten away with it, but she slipped. She said Goren, and my Eames only said it when she was angry. I looked down in shame and guilt. Why did I always do this? Can't I just shut up for five seconds? I was more considerate before. I would have never said that three years ago. Of course, everything was so much simpler back then…

Eames starting the car moved me from my thoughts. I chanced a glance at her, noting that she was staring fixedly on the road, as if challenging it. But I saw through her. She was challenging me, daring me to say "I'm sorry". She knew that I had a guilt complex, and she knew that I would try and apologize so she could bite my head off. If she hadn't used the plan before, it might have worked, but I knew her game by now, and I personally didn't feel like getting an earful from my partner.

After awhile though, I just couldn't keep up the silence, especially since it was so damn awkward.

"So, where are we going?"

"To the diner."

I smiled a bit at that. The diner near my apartment building had a special meaning for the both of us. It was the place we went to after our first case together, and we always went there after a tough case or if we just wanted to hang out. It was the first place I took Eames after she was allowed out of the hospital when she had Nathan. I remember the look on her face when she found out we were going there...

"_You're taking me to the diner, Bobby? I just had a baby and you're taking me to the diner?"_

"_Of course Eames, it's our diner."_

"_I don't see our names on it."_

"_Are you sure about that?"  
"What the hell did you do Bobby?"_

"…_Nothing…Nothing at all Eames."  
"Somehow I don't believe you."_

_I smiled when she said that, and led her to the booth that had also become ours._

"_Close your eyes Eames, I have a surprise for you."_

_She looked at me exasperated, but listened to me and closed her eyes. I finished the walk over to the table, my hand around her waist, and placed ourselves in front of it. I leaned down and whispered in her ear, _

"_Open your eyes, Alex."_

_She opened her eyes and laughed at what she saw in front of her. On the table was an extra large pack of original Skittles and a large coffee, made exactly the way she liked. I smiled as she picked up the Skittles and found what was hidden underneath._

_The table read, "PROPERTY OF ALEXANDRA EAMES AND ROBERT GOREN"_

"_Oh, Bobby…"_

"_Now this really is our diner."_

I chuckled at the memory, and Eames finally looked at me, questioning me with her eyes.

"I was remembering the night that I took you here after you had your nephew."

That got a smile out of her and it made my heart speed up. Nothing in the world compared to Alex's smile.

"One of your finer moments, Bobby. That table better still have our name on it."

"It was last week."

"Yeah I know, but I always wonder if it won't be one day…"

"I don't think that will happen any time soon."

Eames gave me another look, and so I replied,

"I kinda, maybe, possibly, paid the guy for the table."

She raised her eyebrow, not believing me for a second. I conceded,

"Alright. I paid the guy for the table and agreed to do a few background checks on his daughter's boyfriends…as…as well as some, uh, intimidation…"

That got a laugh out of her and the sparkle came back into her eyes.

"Oh, Bobby."

"I know, I know. I just wanted to make you happy."

At that moment, Eames parked in the lot of diner and cut off the ignition. She turned in her seat and looked me in the eyes, and said, "Well, it worked." Then she got out of the car and headed in. I followed her as quickly as I could and managed to open the door for her, putting my hand on her back as we walked in, delighted in the fact she didn't shake me off.

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**Authors Note: So, here's the first chapter in my story. I hope you liked it and understand the jittery dialogue. I really want to get you guys into Bobby's head as I imagine it. I appreciate all your support so far, and hope that you will continue to give me your insights into the story! I love hearing what you guys have to say! I hope to update soon, but I can't make any promises with school still in session…Okay, I'm gonna shut up now…lol!**


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